The germ of FistFree Language™ appeared in 1999 when I was asked to teach mediation to the young people at the Calgary Young Offender Centre, for their peer mediation program. I reasoned that mediation was all about conflict resolution and what these young people needed more was conflict prevention.
Since most physical fights start with a verbal fight (aka an argument), who better to teach them how to deal with arguments than a lawyer? Me. So I put together a set of skills and knowledge to help them do that.
I started with the premise that essentially, all conflicts are rooted in differences. It’s how we handle those differences that determines how we deal with those differences and what type of conflict, if any, develops.
Of course, how you and I see things is probably different — sometimes, very different as in oceans-apart different. What I’m on a tear about today, tomorrow I’ll be OK with.
Have you ever had this conversation? “But you said X.” “No, I didn’t.” “Oh yes, you did. I distinctly heard you say X.” “I never said that. I wouldn’t say that.” We’ve all had that conversation and as it turns out, we both were right. You hear me say X and yet, I didn’t say X.
How do these things happen? It’s all in how the brain processes information and how we perceive the world and what’s going on. (Please note: if someone says it’s all in your head, they’re right, and it’s also in their head.)
The program started as Get the Log Out of Your Eye, a nod to the fact that we can literally not see something that’s right in front of us. With language skills and how to deal with anger added, it grew into FistFree Language™.
As I developed the program, I noticed that my negotiation skills were getting better. I also taught adults FistFree Language™ and I got great feedback from them, their families and co-workers. It works. FistFree Language™ really works.
