If you’ve ever been an abused partner, you’ll recognize what I’m talking about. If not, please listen with an open heart. If you’ve been the abuser, please listen.
It’s time for unity.
We all need to become ‘We, the people’ again.
Every time I hear that (or similar words), I freeze. My defense systems go on high alert. Code Red. Only for a few seconds, though, until I remember that I’m here in Canada, not in the US.
I’m addressing this post to those in politics (in the US, here in Canada, and elsewhere), in the media, in social media and on the internet who have been saying over the last month or so, “It’s time for unity.” With all due respect, that’s just another let’s-kiss-and-make-up move after beating had the cr^! out of someone. And it’s just as believable.
I won’t believe you’re serious until you Accept responsibility for what you (and all your cohorts) have done. Then I’ll hear your Apology and maybe consider what you’re Asking for. Before you go any further, you need to read my posts on The Art of the Apology, all 3 parts.
Before you can accept responsibility, I need to know that you understand what it is you did that was wrong.
You need to acknowledge that the years of verbal attacks (ranging from name-calling to character assassination) you and your cohorts dished out were wrong. You need to acknowledge that the physical attacks were wrong. Mobbing is never right, whether it’s at a public gathering or in a restaurant. Shouting death threats is very wrong.
You need to acknowledge that pigeon-holing people is wrong, especially when it’s done on the basis of an immutable characteristic, such as having white skin. Isolating people is wrong.
You need to acknowledge that censoring someone because you don’t like what they’re saying is very wrong and does a great deal more harm than allowing their speaking to continue. If you’re censoring someone because you can’t win the argument or persuade them that your viewpoint is better, please consider that they may have the stronger viewpoint.
Only when you’ve shown me that you know what you’ve done and that it was wrong, can you accept responsibility for what you’ve done. I will also need to see some changed behaviours. Because if you really think your actions were wrong, you wouldn’t want to continue to be wrong. So you’d start to change your behaviours so you wouldn’t be wrong any longer.
Only then will I be able to hear your apology. And only then can you ask what you can do to fix things.
Until then, I will only hear that you want to feel good now and that you haven’t changed.
