It’s that time of year again. You know, the one with Christmas trees, lights all over the place, Christmas carols, gifts, and family gatherings. There’s the later-remembered fun of finding a Christmas tree and decorating it.
There’s often the dread of gift-giving and the fear of family fights. You can do something to soften the blows. Practise the following techniques beforehand.
First, a quick de-stress technique, the Deep Breath. It’s easy, discrete, and portable. Easy because all you do is breathe in to the slow count of 5, hold for 2 and exhale to the count of 3. Discrete because you can do this quietly and since everybody breathes, you won’t stand out. And portable because you take your breathing apparatus everywhere you go.
Practise Deep Breathing for a few minutes every day. Vary the timing. Practise quietly. If you fill your lower lungs first, your breathing won’t be as noticeable. You do this by expanding your stomach, discretely, of course.
You can also use a Word Box. Imagine a not-so-pretty box, one that has a lid you can close. When someone says something that annoys you or hurts, imagine taking those words, putting the words into the Word Box, and closing the lid. The idea is that you can deal with it later, such as by throwing the box out. You can practise this when you watch a show. The beauty of the Word Box is that you go in knowing that you won’t have to deal with whatever is said at that moment.
Then there’s the Boring Baroque Response (1) — or as I call it, Motor-Mouthing. The key skill in this is to keep talking fast, on and on and on and on. If you ask a question, quickly answer yourself. This blocks the other person from talking about a subject you really don’t want to talk about. Or one which is explosive, like anything to do with the US 2020 Election, or politics.
Here’s the start of an example of Motor-Mouthing. “You-know-it’s-funny-you-should-say-that.-It-reminds-me-of-the-time-when-Dad-took-us-on-a-cross-country-car-trip-to-visit-his-family. [quick breath] Dad-would-drive-for-hours-at-a-time-not-even-stopping-when-we’d-ask-if-we-could-see-the-various-sights-along-the-way. [quick breath] ….”
The only caution is if it would anger the person you’re talking with. A Graceful Exit might be in order.
Also see the posts on the Art of the Apology and on the Graceful Exit. These can come in handy.
I wish you and yours a peaceful holiday and prosperous New Year.
Notes: (1) This is the term the late Dr. Suzette Haden Elgin used. An eminent linguist, she developed The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense. I highly recommend all her books. To start, I’d suggest How to Turn the Other Cheek and Still Survive in Today’s World. You can get it at Amazon.com using this link: https://amzn.to/3aeqf1x.
